It Pays to Be Selfish Every Now and Then: Here’s Why

Since we were little, we have been taught that selfishness It is reprehensible and reprehensible, because it is an attitude focused only on oneself and regardless of the needs of others, aiming at one’s own gain and capable of harming others to obtain personal advantages. And in fact, selfishness as a social behavior is really toxic!

Selfishness that is good for you

Yet there is a form of “healthy” and useful selfishness that has no negative value, because it predisposes one to listen to oneself, taking due account of one’s own needs and desires. If we don’t like the definition of healthy selfishness, let’s try to call it “self-love”which consists of taking care of oneself, the respect of their needs and the willingness to work for their own happiness and personal growth. Here’s how to practice it with benefits not only for ourselves but also for others.

Between duties and consent

Most women carry with them the heavy burden of ignore your own needs to privilege those of others, sacrificing our own needs: we do it by education, by induced altruism, by need for approval and consensus. We therefore think of others before thinking of ourselves. And this can generate frustration, resentment, discontent, unhappiness but also physical ailments.

Interest in us

Let’s continue to pay attention to others, but let’s shift our focus to ourselves. If we are the first to not give ourselves attention and respect, why should others? Let’s try asking ourselves questions like this:

Am I comfortable?
Do I like what I do?
Am I suffering from this situation?
Do I feel unhappy or forced?
What is best for me right now?
What do I need?
Where would I like to be now?
What gives me energy?
What weakens me?
How much of myself am I sacrificing?

It is not necessary to give exhaustive answers: these questions are food for thought about us and the priorities we set for ourselves.

Let’s try to say “No”

Let’s take courage in both hands and try to say a few “No”. With courtesy and a smile, we begin to re-establish boundaries around us, which does not mean closing ourselves off but only communicating the limits of our availability.

Let’s overcome it the fear of being judged or excluded: always being compliant does not improve the idea that others have of us, quite the contrary. Example: “She has no character, she is too available.”
Let’s move away from desire to please to everyone, because by doing so we do not please ourselves and sow dissatisfaction and discontent. Example: “She wants to please everyone, she’s a fake.”
Let us try to have for ourselves the same care gestures and the acceptance that we would like to devote ourselves to someone else and that we would like someone to address us. Example: “Hello honey, how am I today? Do I want to go out for coffee?”
Let’s let go feelings of guilt, often self-inflicted in a disproportionate and destructive manner. Example: “I’m a bad person, I said no to the friend who asked me to hold her son for two hours.” We admit we are sorry, but sincerely it just didn’t fit!

Why sincerity is important

“Sincerity” it is the magic word that unlocks and frees many tangled situations. But we must accept it and “feel” it as our own, because its practice requires a little courage, towards others as well as towards ourselves. Let us try to ask ourselves…

Am I really being sincere when I offer availability and then refuse to listen to what I would really like to do?
I do altruistic things because “I have to” (i.e. I feel forced) or why “I want” (i.e. do I do it with sincere and convinced enthusiasm)?
Am I sincere when I don’t say what I think so as not to contradict others and risk them excluding me?

Here too, let us reflect on these questions and meditate on the answers. Perhaps we will discover that we really do need a dose of healthy selfishness!

Let’s improve our consideration

So-called healthy selfishness, or self-love, leads us to give ourselves space and listen to ourselves as much as we would to others. Thinking about ourselves is not a sinister act of self-centeredness, but the most important step for feel good with others. What we wish for the people we love, we also hope for ourselves and we do our best to obtain it.

This behavior is a booster for ours self esteem and a balm for ours balance: by developing a good opinion of ourselves, we do not feel the need to overwhelm others or enter into conflict and, even less, we do not feel inferior (or superior).
Thinking about our needs and how best to express ourselves should be the priority. Healthy selfishness means taking care of our own good without taking anything away from othersand even less damage it. On the contrary, it helps us to love and accept ourselves, therefore to be more relaxed and more confident with others.

Energy question

Healthy selfishness is not individualism, quite the opposite! A person who feels good about themselves has energy also necessary to help others. If we are unhappy and depressed, our altruism will be unhappy and depressed too, and therefore it will be tiring and forced. We should give instead priority to our needs without ignoring the needs of others, but maintaining a good level of empathy precisely because we can focus on others without putting ourselves in the background, but at the top of our resources.

THE “pro” of healthy selfishness

Increase in the‘self-esteem’ It is even easier to get involved in altruistic and socially beneficial actions.
Respecting the own beliefs and aspirations, we are more coherent and linear in our relationships with others.
Satisfy the own needs and by taking care of ourselves, we significantly reduce the risk of burnout.
Give space to our personality we can create positive, balanced relationships, free from a sense of duty, guilt and resentment.
Recognize the our value (without overestimating it and leading to vanity) we can communicate better with others because we are aware of what we can give.

4 quick tips

Let us try compassion for ourselves in case of failures or mistakes made. But let us not always absolve ourselves: the ability to recognize mistakes and learn from them is part of the path of personal growth.
We objectively assess the attitudes of those around us to set ourselves apart. people who ask too much of us. They certainly manage without us.
Let’s listen to ours too more superficial needs and “light” by reserving a place for them in our daily or weekly routine.
Let’s go value in our time: let’s not only use it for our tasks (work, studies, family, children) but let’s find a space of “freedom” for ourselves.

Important differences

In conclusion, what is the difference between the terrible egoist and the healthy egoist (i.e. the person who has a balanced self-esteem)? The terrible egoist never has enough, he only thinks of his own interest to the detriment of everyone, even his friends and family, still ill-disposed towards the world. And that makes him a sad life. The healthy egoist does not abandon his personality and knows how to assert his emotions, his needs and his opinions without ever harming others. And that makes him a peaceful life.